Phase 4: Honour What You Feel ...

1.   Anger   

It is the response to built-up frustration and the ego’s response to the belief that it is being attacked. It is one of the most powerful human emotions, often driven by passion. Anger reflects something inside calling out for healing. We have the right to feel what we feel – we can also choose what we feel about any experience. To deal with anger, take several deep breaths, give up the need to be right, forgive yourself and the person who has evoked the anger, and pray that your mind, heart, and words can be tempered with love. 

2.   Confusion 

It is the result of not admitting what we want or need in a given situation, not doing what we know we should, and a response to fear that we’ll not succeed. It is an experience of having the brain shut down as a result of overwhelming barrage of information or a self-defeating mental chatter that we are not good enough to do what we need to. To move out of confusion, identify clearly what you want, admit it to yourself, let those involved know what you want, identify the key issues, make a plan to deal with each issue one at a time, write the plan down, and put the plan into action. 

3.   Disappointment 

It is failure to realize a desired or expected outcome. We can only have what is in the divine plan for us to have. We also need to be ready to receive blessings and opportunities intended for us when they come our way. On the other hand, we won’t succeed in trying to get something for nothing or at the cost of harming another person. Being out of alignment with basic universal laws of love will lead to disappointment.

4.   Doubt 

This is a state of conflict regarding the acceptance of truth and is the absence of trust. Doubt signals the onset of mental, emotional and spiritual weakness. Doubt and belief are mutually exclusive. Doubt enters when we forget the truth about our identity and fail to trust in the omnipresence of divine law. Fear and worry are aspects of doubt and spring up when we try to control situations, which is often impossible. Constant prayer and affirmation are the strongest defences against doubt. Praying for guidance and believing that we have received it will bring our actions into alignment with Divine Will. Affirming the truth about ourselves and life will set into motion the spiritual principles of divine order and divine timing. Learning to live without having to evaluate every appearance, while remaining focused on our desire, knowing that it is the outcome of a good intent, leaves no room for doubt to grow in our mind. 

5.   Fear 

Fear can be seen as an acronym for False Expectations Appearing Real. It wears many masks including procrastination, feeling inadequate, need to control, and various excuses. Fear is a tool of the ego and is opposite of love, a divine activity. To deal with fear, one needs to avoid denying it, but rather recognize it, acknowledge it, and befriend it. Then dismantle it with faith. Affirm the truth of God’s presence with you, and in the light of truth, fear will scatter.  

6.   Guilt 

Guilt is related to shame, and both are toxic emotions. Shame is the belief that something is wrong with us, and guilt is the judgment or belief that we have done something wrong. Feeling bad about and focusing on the undesirable things we do is counterproductive. This is because what we focus on grows and we thus remain in the guilt. Avoid denying feeling guilty as this leads to blaming others for our mistakes and a resultant victim mentality which renders us powerless. The remedy for guilt is to admit and confess our faults (also to others if they have been harmed by our behaviour), forgive ourselves and ask forgiveness, and then to choose a new plan of action. 

7.   Loneliness 

This is an experience of isolation resulting from the belief in separation. It has the elements of anxiety which creates unsatisfiable lustful cravings, and urgency which brings about fear that the object of the lust is being denied or withheld. To be lonely is to be shut down to what we want, believing we cannot have it. Our heart needs to become open to receive what we desire. Often, however, we are unaware of being shut down or afraid. When we open ourselves to the experience of Divine love, our other desires will be satisfied and loneliness will disappear. 

8.   Lack of Appreciation 

Our self-value is diminished when we feel unappreciated. Often people fail to acknowledge what we have done for them. Instead of feeling upset about it, realise that if we appreciate what we have done for others, their response should be of little or no consequence to us. In other words, what we give to others, we give to ourselves. This is because we are all connected to the One Life through the omnipresent divine Spirit. People are not indebted to us for what we do for them because all that we have given, we have received from a higher Source. We serve the Divine by serving another human being. In serving others, we share the bounty of grace given to us. Craving recognition is a sign of dysfunction. When we stop expecting rewards and recognition, they will come automatically. 

Reference: Iyanla Vanzant, One Day My Soul Just Opened Up (Fireside, New York, 1998)

 

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